Lindy

...Fuck.

2009-04-29T06:02:18Z

So I was looking through tattoo pics, trying to find a good steampunk wing to put on my shoulder. I got to texting Tracy, who I was planning to go get my tat with. She made a good point to me: pick something simple for my first one, something I've liked for a long time.

I've wanted a tat since fourth grade. It's always had a draw for me. But really, I've been unable to ever come up with something I'll enjoy for life. The only consistency I've had on the subject is the knowledge that I want one. I can't think of anything that would have any special significance years down the road. And what if something kills that significance?

I've decided not to get one - at least, not yet. I'm about to go through a massive upheaval - graduating, moving halfway across the country, working for more than a temp job, living with a family I hardly know, living with kids, and most importantly, leaving my friends and family behind. Every time I've left somewhere, it's been temporary. Even going to school was only a 2 1/2, 3 hour drive. This is a plane ride away. What if I never see certain people again, or what if we grow apart so much we don't even know how to act around one another?

...Actually, I've given this some thought. I want to do this. I want something nonspecific, something I'll look upon years later and still like, that will remind me that I still have people back home. But I can't think of a single thing that could represent so much without using specific names or anything. Something that won't look stupid to me.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

2008-07-20T06:15:40Z

So I just saw the Avatar series finale (and about goddamn time, too!). They pulled out ALL the goddamn stops on it. My heart was pounding for like 45 minutes straight! The characters, the effects, the plot, the action, everything! Simply fucking amazing. Seems kinda surreal that the thing I've been waiting for for over two years (obviously it didn't consume my life, but it was quite a wait) has finally happened. I've got a couple friends who watch the show who might not've seen it, so I won't rant.

On another note, if you haven't seen this yet, go over to www.drhorrible.com (damn link thing never works for me) before tomorrow/today (Sunday) at midnight. Like a good hour before. It's a three-act "movie" by the makers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc) starring Neil Patrick Harris. It's pretty cool, but they're taking it down tomorrow at midnight.

So...

2008-01-10T03:18:25Z

Tell me this isn't the best fucking LJ icon you've ever seen.

Mah first day

2007-12-23T03:39:16Z

So today I started my new "job," working at home for my mom. It was better than I expected. Also so, so much worse.

Let me elaborate: basically, there's a bunch of STUFF - documents, maybe? - up on the company's website that explain various policies and crap. They're supposed to be in size 12 Arial, but some of em are Times New Roman. My job is to change all documents to 12 Arial (even the ones that already are), make sure there's nothing wrong with the first line of HTML, and make sure there aren't any hyperlinks in them. If either of the latter two happen, I write down which one and... that's it. Very easy.

Good parts: no customers, no coworkers, no commute, no dress code. Also, reformatting stuff is fun. Whenever I download a game walkthrough online I reformat it all the slow way, so I can watch it gradually change over a few days. That is my idea of fun.

Bad stuff: working for my mom, being forced to stare at a computer screen til my head throbs and my eyes burn, and then some. I only worked 5 hours today and I have to work 8 hours most days, with weekends off (I think/hope). Plus, formatting isn't fun when you're technically not doing anything. Like I said, most of the documents already are in Arial, but they make me switch it anyway.

What makes it truly worth it: I have less free time. I NEEDED less free time, especially since I don't have google, youtube or a car at my constant disposal. So while the work is boring, once I have time to myself I treasure it. That, and I'm being paid thirteen bucks an hour.

Before I started all this, I wondered if it was really that important to have the larger font. Believe me, it is. I was looking at that larger font for five hours and my eyes feel like they want to bleed; I can't imagine what Times New Roman would do.

I can only hope that my tolerance for boredom and staring at a monitor go up, cuz when I stopped after five hours it was cuz I just couldn't focus anymore; I was getting sloppy, and nothing I did could stop it.

On a completely different note, I got a haircut. It looks disturbingly like that of a character from Drake and Josh, the Disney Channel show. Or like the lead singer from Journey. Either way, I find it very amusing... Although I doubt I'll hold onto that opinion when I have to learn how to use a hir straightener. Fuck good grooming, bedhead is the way to go. Yeah Doug.

Who'd'a thunk?

2007-12-20T05:15:55Z

So yeah, as of today it's been a week since my laptop cord crapped the bed and, other than two or three quick stints on Mom's desktop to check my emails, I have been without teh internetz the whole time. Who'dve thought I'd come to rely on the interblag so much for entertainment? I wouldn't say it's an addiction so much as a necessity; surrounded by nothing but trees, unable to even leave the house because my car's inspection sticker expired, what else is a Lindy to do?

Although you never know; maybe I AM addicted, and withdrawal is the reason I puked up my guts on Saturday for no particular reason. Could also explain the headaches on Sunday. Still, I'd be a lot less bored if my cord had actually arrived when they said it would; it should've been here Tuesday, and here I am, 12:09 am Thursday, no power cord. I fiend!

But yeah, tres boring up here. I mean, when I'm actually excited to go to the dentist's tomorrow so they can shove my gums up in what promises to be a very uncomfortable procedure (with no happy gas, I might add), you can tell my boredom is getting out of hand.

I just read two 400 page books that have been sitting on my shelf for a few years, waiting to be read. Once I get my hands on the next four in the series, I can continue with the next eight I have (I bought em cuz I didn't realize they were the 6th-14th in the series, whoops). Translation: I need money and a ride to the book store. In that order. Really good books though, so at least they kept me entertained for a little over a day.

But both the boredom and brokedom situations might be over with soon; I might get a job next week, for all of two weeks' worth of work. The job seems easy enough, but Mom doesn't seem to understand that I have no way of GETTING there - y'know, what with the expired inspection sticker and all. If I get pulled over, I'm not paying for that. Hate to beat a dead thunderhorse, but we wouldn't be in this situation if Thomas hadn't cheaped out on a car. DEFINITELY not thinking long-term. I dunno about you, but I'd rather spend more money on a car that I KNOW is in good shape and has parts you can buy relatively cheaply, than spend less money on a car that looks like the previous owner didn't know how to take care of it and is known for having expensive parts. I mean, an Audi? Seriously? Bad move.

Oh, and I've changed my mind about the whole next-gen console bit; I think I want to get a PS3. The Wii is a party system, and I'm a single player, almost strictly RPGs. I don't play multiplayer if I can help it. As for the 360, the controller is kinda awkward for me (as is the spelling of the word awkward, by the way), and while they are getting some good RPGs, it seems like their focus is shooters, which I hate. Besides, when it comes to RPGs, PS3 and 360 are going to have a lot of the same releases. The only deterrent for the PS3 is the price, and I'm going to wait at least til the summer (and then only if I get a job early enough) to buy it, and who knows? There could be another price drop then. Besides, it's not like I'm going to go for the biggest memory; I don't need that much. But we'll see.

Uhhh... Hm hm hm hm... Yeah. So I watched the 12th episode of Avatar online the other day. Yes, ONLINE, I was at a friend's house. She did the surfing, not me. Anyway, it just... Yeah. Hasn't sunk in. Don't worry, no spoilers, for all... what, two? Two of you who care.

Heh, it occurs to me that when I'm trying to be funny on Livejournal, most of the time it cones out whiney. Which is fine, cuz 90% of what I say on LJ is supposed to be whiney anyway.

Ooh, but one discovery helps with the boredom! Apparently I can recharge my MP3 player though my PS2. Yaaaaay music! (Yes! My non-whiney quota has been filled!)

So, uh... I think I had more to say a couple days ago, but Mom's computer was off and I don't know the password. Whatever. I reached out and touched someone. And it was your mom. And then I washed my hands.

I got a new icon!

2007-10-16T03:03:15Z

That's about it. Life is boring.

I have cheekbones and loose pants!

2007-07-28T05:18:54Z

That's right, bitches, I've lost a bit of weight! Not much, but it's a start. It's really easy when the cook is a health food nut. Even the chips and soda she buys are organic and healthy. WEIRD.

Watching the kids has been tolerable. Mackenzie, the baby, is adorable, and almost able to walk. She's officially able to climb onto thinks and fall off, scaring the shit out of herself. Avery, the five year old, is a handful. She keeps telling us to call her Delete, the name of a character from her favorite show, Cyberchase. She throws tantrums like nobody's business, and only listens to me when I refuse to play with her. Well, and today, when she finger-licked the cream cheese when I told her not to, I refused to cook her a bagel for ten minutes. But hey, she'd already had breakfast, so it wasn't like I was starving her.

Anyways, I've only got three more days of nannying, then on Tuesday it's off home! I get in at around 6:30, take the shuttle to Braintree, and Mom'll pick me up from there. Then it's off home, to play my new game! I hope it's good; it got great reviews, and I've been fiending for a game.

Well, that's about it. Bye!

I don't remember what the LJ cut message says...

2007-07-07T07:22:27Z

Okay, first things first: The men here are FOXY. We were at a park, chilling out to some crappy music on the 4th, and dear god the menfolk need to wear shirts. Either that, or Anita (Mom's cousin) needs to get me a leash when we go out.

The brats are tolerable. Okay, Mackenzie is adorable, for an eating crying shit machine. Avery, the five year old, is annoying. Like a five year old. If all the attention isn't on her, then all is wrong with the world. She can be a sweetie (she made me a hot water bottle for my stomach when I had morning sickness), but DEAR GOD. She's a vegetarian (hasn't eaten meat EVER, even baby food), and Anita caters to her tastes, but she hardly eats. She's a skinny little shit.

The mountains here are gorgeous. Some of em are this awesome red color, and I get to see a great view of em every day.

Anita invited me back for winter break, to watch the kids more (paid of course) and get shit-faced for the New Year's bash they wanna throw. She promised me frozen mudslides. Yays all around.

And check it! She traveled with Weird Al during one of his first east coast tours, and dressed as a potato and danced onstage for "Addicted to Spuds," and got to be the detached legs for "Like a Surgeon." She's also in an issue of Time magazine, an article about the US's top party schools. If I can find the pic, I'll post it later.

I think I need to live up to the legacy.

Hooray for procrastinatey!

2007-07-02T21:03:06Z

So yeah, today Mom gave me a decent amount of change in a bucket, so I went to Stop and Shop to use the coinstar, so I could get real money for it. And so I could put off packing. Good times. Anyways, the machine was full, so I had to lug the damn bucket around while I hunted down some sunscreen (SPF 50 was the highest they had, I'm gonna burn). Sunscreen in hand, I drove down to the FYE and got myself some pocky (I love that damn chocolate pocky) and a movie I saw three or four years ago. I'm quite stoked that I found it, since I'd never been able to in the past. Then I took great joy in breaking diet by scarfing down some Wendy's. Deelishus. Came back, started packing, blah blah blah. I also cleaned the house a bit, since Grandma is coming over for dinner and I got to choose the meal o.O. I NEVER get to choose the meal, and usually Mom and Thomas go out the night before I go back to school for months on end. What's so special about a single month in Colorado? I'm suspicious. I know I'm probably looking a gift horse in the mouth (what the hell is a gift horse and what's so bad about looking in its mouth?), but this kind of attention is unheard of. Ah well, back to packing. I'll update in a few days to let you know what the brats are like.

PS Some dude gave me a peace sign while I was driving. It made me happy, cuz at first I thought it had one finger less.

Delayed Alaska Post

2007-06-20T02:10:27Z

    Mmkay. Here we go. It all started on Sunday. I woke up at 8, mostly packed already, and finished packing all the things I couldn't pack the night before: toiletries, sleepin' jester, etc. We left the house at 10, picked up my grandma, then went to pick up my aunt Celine. My uncle Russ (who sadly is the one related to me by blood) decided it'd be great fun to tie all the pocket ties on my pants together. In double knots. Amusing, and it gave me something to do on the way to the bus station. So we get to the bus station in Braintree (dumbass name for a town), and Mom gave me money, which made me feel bad cuz she'd just bought me an MP3 player the day before (I'm not sure why, but I'm not complaining except for the fact that I had just bought a new CD player a few days before, hehe). So we take the bus to the airport, pick up my ticket, check my luggage, blahdy blahdy blah. We went to a sammich shop and picked up... well, sammiches, for the plane ride, and yeah. Uneventful plane ride for the most part. The dude diagonally in front of me was picking his nose. Also, we went through a tiny bit of turbulence. I hate turbulence, so I put on my headphones. I was kinda pissed when the first two songs that played were "Join Me in Death" by HIM and "As the World Falls Down" by David Bowie. Not very reassuring songs.

    We landed in San Fransisco and tookah a lookah at the souvenirs. Wow. The few shirts that weren't obscenely bright were covered in rhinestones. Amusing. Then we got burgers and went on the flight to anchorage. Uncle Kurt picked us up, and by this time it was 4:30 am eastern time. We got to the house, found the beds and passed out.

    The thing that scares me is that I was the earliest one up (of the travelers). I woke up (by myself) at 8 (noon eastern time), and there was coffee and relaxing all around. We went on a hike at a park later that day, and went to the information center where I got to touch pretty animal pelts.

Tuesday we went on a cruise to see the glaciers! And even better, we took a TRAIN to get there! (I love trains). So ladeedadeeda traintraintrain, then we get there and sit at our seat, but it's a sex-person table and theres five of us, and the sixth seat was for this little Japanese guy! He sat with us for a little while, but there was an empty table so he moved there. And we saw otters and seals and a minky whale! More later, I'm getting bored.

I'm goin' to the 'Laska tomorrow!

2007-06-09T21:58:41Z

I shall be incommunicado for over a week. Why? Well, if you haven't heard it from me (unlikely), I'm going to Alaska to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin. I just hope my aunt from RI, who is going with us, doesn't turn this into one big fat shopping trip. Don't get me wrong, I like shopping, but I like QUICK shopping. Here's how my shopping goes, with everything. "Do I like it? Yes. Is it cheap? Yes. Do I want it enough to part with precious moneys in order to obtain it? Yes." There we go. With so many other women, it goes so much deeper. "Do I have anything that goes with it? Do I have anything similar to it? When and how often will I use this?" and so many other factors I can't even begin to comprehend. Blah.

Anyways, Mom got me an MP3 player for the trip so I'll have something to listen to! Woohoo! I wasn't expecting that. *does the happy Lindy dance*

I'll update when I get back so you can hear, in annoying detail, how the trip went.

Writer's Block: Words that you love and hate

2007-06-08T20:27:23Z

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

Oh, God, let's see... Ooh! I REALLY like the word "vicissitude". I heard it in a Bush song and fell in love with it. Not that I EVER get to use it. Oh, and the word "scruples" makes me want to strangle something. I'm not sure why. Maybe cuz the short story I first saw it in sucked, or maybe because it just sounds dumb. "Scruples."

"Heeby-jeebies" makes me all giggly, especially if I'm so tired that everything is funny.

God I'm bored. Somebody entertain me.

DMV today...

2007-06-02T00:35:57Z

So yeah, eventful day. Got up at 6 (I don't know how I did that every day for thirteen years) and had Mom drive me to Dad's house. Then I emptied out the ~~shitbox~~ old car, and took off its license plates. The tow truck dude showed up at like 8:30, and towed it away. To sweeten that up, I got SEVENTY-FIVE BUCKS for it! Pretty good for a car that won't start that I didn't pay for. Especially when I'm broke and unemployed. ESPECIALLY since the car is a Ford. Fords suck.

So yeah, then my brother and I watched Running Scared, a Paul Walker movie. I'm not big on Paul Walker (especially in 2 Fast 2 Furious... *shudder), but he was pretty decent in this. Good action scenes, good plot, good character development. Not something I'd buy, but good for watching with a few friends. It gets kind of graphic so ~~Angela~~ people with weak stomachs shouldn't watch; I had to look away a few times, like during a scene that I suspect had a Mike Tyson moment in it.

After that it was off to the oral surgeon, which always delights me because the appointments are so short. Half a minute in the waiting room, two minutes waiting for the doctor, and a minute checking on how my gums are healing. Nice nice. After that it was off to the DMV.

Oh. My. GAWD. I'd never been there before, but I have to say, three hours' wait is a bit much. Especially when a guy plunks his very restless, screaming five-ish year old next to you. I kept getting kicked in the side whenever the kid started squirming, and I gave him like three feet of personal space. It's kids like that who make me think people scream abuse too early with kids. Don't get me wrong; child abuse is a terrible thing. I just don't think it's abuse if you spank a child when he/she does something bad, or give em a light smack across the face when they won't shut up in public. Worked for me. Besides, the kid was beyond toddler age and was still speaking garbled nonsense. The only word I understood was "daddy." PROBLEM.

Anyways, I got through the DMV experience (found out that they registered it to me instead of Mom, but ah well), and asked Dad if I could crash at Colleen's place for a night or two. She's cool with it, so yay. Which is good, because Thomas is getting so bad even Mom says he's trying to pick fights. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get into it.

But this is AWESOME. Colleen's house on a Saturday night means two things: Chinese food and kitties! *Waits for the obligatory "Chinese food is made of cats" comment* If it really is, I have to find out how they make crab rangoons; Keykey is a butt and he would taste delicious wrapped in dough and fried.

Mom told me not to spend all $75 at once. But I need so much stuff! I need something to read, maybe a cheap video game, a CD or two... Okay, so the only one I really NEED right now is a book. I'm bored with my stuff. I might buy a picture book on angels I saw at Barnes and Noble. It wasn't a kid's book or anything. I might need to buy it just so I can molest one of the pictures; I'm gonna marry it. That'll be like, what, my 34508766491867723482873446 husband? SWEET.

I'm pissy, don't read if you don't want to hear me bitch.

2007-05-31T05:55:15Z

So I think I've finally figured out why Thomas is such a dick to me (y'know, other than the fact that it comes naturally). I think it's a power thing with him. He pushes and pushes, trying to see what he can get away with. That's why he didn't tell Mom that he was cutting off the hot water to my showers until she told him that there was something wrong with the water heater. By the way, if Mom weren't a biased party that plan would TOTALLY have worked. But since I'm not the one providing money and sex, I guess that was inevitable. Anyway, I've seen the way he acts every time he gives me some stupid task to do, throws barbs at my intelligence or otherwise pisses me off; he's got this huge grin on his face, as though he's getting off on it. And it's not just me, either; he did the same thing to my brother before he moved out, and he does it to Mom (not that she'd ever admit it).

Is the whole world like this? Flaunting their power for the sake of validating themselves, or whatever? If so, I might just want to hermit away now. Even though I already think the life of a hermit would be awesome, especially when the rumors start to circulate. Mwaha.

...Mmkay, I just reread what I wrote, and this is exactly why I use LJ cuts: so people don't have to read my emo rantings about how "my parents don't understand me and life is so unfair, now excuse me while I cut myself to Good Charlotte." Yuck. I feel bad about doing it, especially when nobody else does it, but I need to get it out. Telling my dad does no good; he just tells me to tell Thomas to fuck himself. Been there, done that. I was hoping the crafty approach would work, but in order for fair judgment to be passed, the judge has to be unbiased.

I hate to say it, but I might have to take Dad's girlfriend up on her offer and spend a few nights at her house. I never thought I'd be weak enough to do that, but I was so close to hitting Thomas today. Even hours later I don't feel any better. I'm getting sick of hearing about how "I need to do more around here." Last time I checked, most college kids home from break didn't call their parents at work begging for chores just to alleviate the boredom.

Y'know what the kicker is? I tried telling Mom about how depressed/angry I've been for months on end (mostly unrelated to Thomas), and she didn't do shit. She said it was due to body image. Translation: you've gotten fat and that's the source of all your problems. I'm not saying I'm fat, but Miss "I'm going to bitch because they don't have a dress I like in a size 2" seems to think so. Not that that's anything new; she's been saying shit like "If you have dessert, you're going to get fat" all my life.

She seems to love turning a blind eye as far as I'm concerned. The way she acts about Thomas's little power-play is exactly how she acted back in middle school regarding my brother.

At this point, I think I need therapy of some sort. Talking it out with friends no longer helps, and discussing my problems with family is an impossibility. I think I know what my problems are; I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

On the bright side, on Friday I'll have a working, registered car. Then I fully intend to make myself scarce around here.

Survey

2007-05-29T03:00:58Z

Yeah, I'm really bored. Just came down from a Pirates 3 high.

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy of life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

ffpoisongirl @ 2007-05-19T23:04:00

2007-05-20T03:07:08Z

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

P.S If someone can tell me how to embed the html pics without clicking on "embed media," I'd appreciate it. The pics only show up half the time, and if I click embed media, it does that stupid scroll bar thingie.

Crafty like a FOX!

2007-05-19T06:07:41Z

So yeah, I had to go in to the oral surgeon for a checkup (next week they stick screws in my gums). Since I have no car at the moment, mom had to drive me. On the way home, we got stuck in traffic. At this point it occurred to me that this was the perfect opportunity to ask if we got a new water heater. I know for a FACT that we didn't, but asking would bring the issue to Mom's attention without me looking like a prick saying "OMFGZORZ Thomas is fucking with my showers!!!!"

...For the record, I do NOT say OMFGZORZ. If I ever say it a.) verbally or b.) not making fun of internet morons, SHOOT ME.

So now I get to spend the next week "testing" the sink faucet in my bathroom, etc. Mom suspects that the "problem" with my shower is the faucet. Of course, to replace the faucet we have to tear a huge hole in a nearby closet just to access the area.

What good is this, you ask? (Shut up, you DO ask!) Thomas will have to be the one to tear a hole in the wall. When it comes down to it, Thomas has three options: 1.) Confess to turning off the hot water for my showers (HIGHLY unlikely), 2.) stop fucking with the water heater and let me have my showers in peace, or 3.) tear a huge fucking hole in the back of the towel/blanket closet and replace a part that works fine.

Since the first will not under any circumstances happen (even if I called him on it he'd deny it), it will be one of the latter. I can't decide which is more mature. On the one hand, he could drop the prank, which is the adult thing to do. However, it would also be covering up his dumb prank. Or he could feign ignorance and replace the part, paying the consequences for his immaturity but taking it to a whole new stupid level.

HahaHAAAAhaha, this is gonna be fun. I hope Mom doesn't say anything about it to him; then it'll be a surprise when he learns he has to spend a day messing with the shower.

I'm probably a bad person for taking this much enjoyment from this, but I think this many cold showers earns me the right. Cuz this has been going on since winter break. Just imagine, living in a house that's not kept warm at ALL in the winter (it's cold by MY standards!), the air sapping your heat out til all you want is a hot shower, and you get nothing but ice cold water. Nice.

Well, I'm gonna go take a NICE HOT shower now and keep my maniacal laughter to a minimum. I hope.

WHEEEEE!

ffpoisongirl @ 2007-05-18T17:57:00

2007-05-18T21:59:34Z

Kathy and Tim are Proud to Announce the Birth of their Child, Lindy, on January 20, 1987.



Unfortunately, Lindy ate their identical twin the moment they were born.

Kathy and Tim are confused. So very confused..

What Did Your Birth Announcement Say? at QuizGalaxy.com

Chronicles of a Douchebag

2007-05-17T05:13:38Z

So I'm sure all of you know how much I dislike (cough*loathe*cough) my mom's husband, Thomas. However, I like to think that I've grown a bit since last year; I've been much nicer to him since then, even before I learned that his son is dying of cancer. This isn't a pity thing; sad though his situation is, I rarely think of it. Not because I don't care about the end of a human life, but because I barely know the guy and mourning his illness is, in my opinion, an insult to his life. No, I've been nicer to Thomas to make peace. Friends we will never be, but I had hoped that we could reach an unspoken agreement of civility.

Apparently, I was wrong.

Not only has he continued with his stupid condescending remarks - irritating, but nothing to lose my temper over - but he resorts to petty pranks. The remarks I can ignore, and sometimes even poke fun of myself - irritated at him though I am - to show that I bear no ill will, despite my angry outburst at him last summer. However, the petty pranks are difficult to ignore. The main one has been going on since winter - he has been tampering with my showers. Until today I have relied on no more than mere suspicion; despite the fact that our water heater never runs out of hot water, my showers always suddenly turned cold. Years ago this was normal, and pounding on the wall or slamming the temperature knob back and forth would fix this. However, when this happens only to me and only at times when my mom is not home, I get suspicious. The one time it did happen when mom was home, it happened to her as well. She went downstairs to find the water heater turned off. She assumed that Thomas had to mess with the water heater and forgot to turn it back on. She turned the heater off mid-shower for him in retaliation, and for a few days my showers were hot again.

I've suspected him the whole time, but kept to myself because I didn't want to be the jerk who falsely accused someone due to past strife. However, today I waited until noon to take my shower, because Thomas had been in his room for a half hour. Since my bathroom is right next to his and mom's room, I heard exactly when he exited his room - a mere minute after I started my shower - and soon after I heard the basement door slam, after which time the shower water became frigid. Hard proof? Hardly. Still, undeniable food for thought.

Is this about the showers? Partially. If there is one time I don't like fucked with, it's shower time. It's my guaranteed alone time, when I think the clearest. In addition, showers are what keep me warm. If I get cold, I can't get warm again until I have a hot shower, no matter how ht the air is and how many blankets I huddle under.

Mainly, though, this is about pettiness. I am willing to put the past behind me and... well, not start fresh, but keep the peace. He doesn't seem to be so willing. The thing is, I've been nothing but nice to him since winter break. I'm trying to make up for yelling at him last summer, but he throws my efforts in my face. I think part of the problem is our perception of the phrase "fuck you." I say things like that every day, even when I'm laughing at something. Granted, I said it to him in anger, but the f-bomb doesn't mean as much to me as it does to him. To him it's taboo; to me it's another word. I'm not saying I'm blameless in this; I carry my fair share. Still, it'd be nice if he accepted some responsibility, too,

Maybe I'm reading too much into this; I want to be able to hate him guilt-free. I won't lie about that. Still, it's hardly fair that he can pick on me all he wants and there's nothing I should do about it. If I could get away with it (and didn't find it completely repulsive), I'd forgo bathing and hygiene of every kind until I could get a guarantee for hot showers. Nothing sucks quite like having a head full of shampoo to have the hot water shut off right as you dunk your head under the stream. So I'll give in. No showers until after he goes to bed. If that works, I'll shower when Mom's home.

Wow, I should've put this under a cut. Oh well, nobody else does it. G'night, everybody!

More eventful than a sneeze...

2007-05-15T02:09:55Z

So yeah, my car broke down. I kinda sorta broke it. The water pump and possibly the catalytic converter were already broken, so the check engine light was on and whenever I drive in not-freezing weather it overheats when I'm stopped. If I turn the heat on during such times, the car cools down but runs rougher. So this weekend I had to drive it all the way to my dad's house so my brother could fix the water pump. Well, near the end of the drive I forgot to turn on the heat at a red light, so I overheated it and blew a head gasket. At this point it would be VERY expensive to make the car pass inspection, so we're just gonna get rid of it and buy another car. I go through cars like a diarrhea patient goes through toilet paper. ....Ew. That was gross.

So yeah, if I don't get a car soon I won't be able to get a job. As it is, I don't think the Tokyo trip is gonna happen. Unfortunate, but there's nothing I can do.

Ah well. At least I'm getting out of the house a lot this week.

Urgh, and I'm SO PISSED! I lost my favorite CD! I remember bringing it home over winter break, but it's gone!

ffpoisongirl @ 2007-05-10T23:23:00

2007-05-11T03:25:39Z

I just sneezed and it gave me hardcore goosebumps.

Other than that, completely uneventful. I need a job, even if just for a change of scenery.

Shit, my nose is running.

This weekend is gonna SUCK

2007-04-28T03:38:18Z

So yeah, that project I've been bitching about for a month? The one that was supposed to be due three weeks ago? Yeah, we HAVE to have it in for Tuesday. It's a documentary, which makes shit interesting. We still have to finish editing clips and adding music, and then get the damn software to work for me so I can listen to it so I can write a script for the voiceover, and then DO the voiceover. Blah. Add to that the fact that our group leader organized a meeting at noon today, and I didn't discover till I'd been waiting there for 10 minutes that he pushed it back cuz this one kid was busy til 8. So I went back at 8 and hung out for 15 minutes, only to discover that neither the group leader nor the kid who was busy til 8 didn't show up. So who did? Me and the kid who never did anything and never showed up to meetings. So I'm gonna find him tomorrow and he's gonna get all pissy at me for not having this shit done.

Meanwhile, I've got a play to write. I've got every scene except for two written; the ending, and the HARDEST GODDAMN PART. I need to make it a split-stage thing, but I don't want it to be like those cheesy split screen things from That 70s Show (delightful though they are). Combine THAT with having to edit a Prose paper for Tuesday and write an essay on my performance in my TV class for Thursday when I lost the criteria, and I am BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And let's not forget the computer class I'm failing. I'm just ignoring that class now; no amount of work will pass me, so why bother. I'll take it again with a professor who TEACHES us what to do, doesn't just tell us what to do.

What to do what to do... I'll watch a movie. I need new movies...

I MUST be bored...

2007-04-03T05:26:35Z

Rules: Use the 1st letter of your last name to answer each of the following... They MUST be real places, names, things... NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same initial. You CAN'T USE Y0UR NAME for the boy/girl name question.

Your Last Name: McGuire

1. Famous Music Artist: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Meat Loaf
2. 4 letter word: Miss
3. Street name: Maple Road
4. Color: Mauve... What the hell is mauve anyway? Everyone has a different definition.
5. Gifts/presents: Markers, modeling clay
6. Vehicle: Model car! (it totally counts)
10. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Mobiles, magnets
11. Boy Name: Mark
12. Girl Name: Melissa
13. Movie Title: Memoirs of a Geisha
14. Alcoholic drink: ....rum backwards?
15. Occupations: Mailman
16. Flowers: Marigolds
17. Celebrities: Molly Ringwald
18. Magazine: Monthly something
19. US city: Morth Adams
20. Pro Sports Teams: Mets
21. Something Found in a kitchen: Melted butter
22. Reason for Being Late: Mezmerized in coming up with M words
23. Something You Throw Away: mouthwash
24. Things You Shout: Marvelous
25. Cartoon character: Megara

Another emo bitch-rant

2007-03-30T06:53:15Z

Y'know, I really hate feeling depressed. I know, I know, obvious. The only people who enjoy being depressed don't enjoy it for what it is; they get a kick out of the attention they get.

Anyways, like I said, hate being depressed. Which is why I'm wondering what I'm doing awake at 2:30 in the morning, listening to the same depressing song over and over on repeat, when I'm so exhausted my vision feels blurry. I think a sick part of me kind of enjoys wallowing in self-pity; if I do it enough, I eventually get so drained I can't feel anything anymore. That's when I can step out in public without showing how miserable I am; I feel nothing, so all I have to do is act giggly and dumb and nobody can tell.

Still, this isn't good; I haven't been depressed for more than a day at a time since three years ago, and that lasted for six months. Ah well, at least I'm no longer in the "pain makes it all better" mindset. It has the same effect as wallowing, only it's quicker, and I have to wear long-sleeved shirts for a few weeks. And in the gradually warming weather, I'd rather not.

I've just noticed that I'm always cold when I'm depressed. Not like emotional cliche "she's so cold to me all the time," but physically COLD. The air will be the same temperature, but I'm always shivering, huddling under blankets and in hoodies, trying to warm up.

Part of me thinks I might need medication if it gets worse, but I think it's kind of pointless; nothing's more depressing than a bloody bowel movement or loss of bladder control at the age of 20, or whatever side effects there are.

It always gets worse at night, too. If I haven;t been depressed all day, I get mildly so at night. If I've been mildly depressed during the day, it gets even worse. If I'm bad enough to avoid people during the day, I'm full-blown fucking miserable at night. This is one of those nights. Even Disney and munching didn't help.

I'm not even depressed ABOUT anything. This just happens sometimes. But this time it's different; I'm angry, too. I'm angry at everyone, even friends and people I've never met. I'm not sure why; I think I'm just mad at them for having the nerve to exist. Not a very healthy thought, huh? I'm not feeling homicidal or anything; I just kind of want to hermit myself away. No hanging out, no dates, no classes, hell, if I could, I'd order delivery and have em deliver it to my room. Leave the cash in an envelope on the door and have them put the food on the floor for me to get. If I were feeling ambitious, I'd find a way to make sure no one was in the hallway or bathroom when I had to pee.

I'm supposed to have a play completed for tomorrow so people can look it over, but I can't finish it. Not like this. I've written like this before, and it always comes out horribly; overly sentimental to the point of being sickening.

You know, I always thought the whole "take the weight off your shoulders" bit to symbolize less stress or whatever was just a dumb cliche, but feeling like this really does feel kind of heavy all over. My head droops and my neck hurts, my shoulders slump, my back aches and sometimes spasms, my throat feels thick and lower than usual, and my heart feels like it's trying to tunnel into my stomach. Even my jaw sags. For some reason when I get depressed I hurt all over. I only hope this goes away soon so I can move on with my life.

WHY am I still awake?!

2007-03-26T06:48:44Z

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Drama Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Sleepy time